Depth Astrology » love

Charm, Seduction and Power: Libra Between the Lines

Kathy — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 21:10:55 +0000

In the last 24 hours, without even trying, I came across two news stories that caught me up in the Libra energy now swirling around the ether: ideas of love, beauty, partnership, seduction — and power.

Yes, power.

First, our local NPR station featured an interview with two Woodbury University professors: Architecture Department Chair Norman Millar and Architecture Professor Paulette Singley.

The topic, delectably risque, was Architecture and Seduction.

Now, let’s just be up-front about this: Libra, by no means, corners the market on seduction. There are plenty of other signs — Scorpio, for instance, or Leo — with their own unique brands of come-hither. But Libra is the quintessential sign of relationship and art, so it was intriguing to hear the two topics linked up in discussion, with nary a mention of astrology.

The discussion was a preview of a panel held last night at UCLA’s Hammer Museum, which is running an exhibition on John Lautner’s work, “Between Earth and Heaven,” through October 12th. The pair (of course!) exchanged opinions and insights about how a home could be laid out (pun intended) and accessorized to seduce a lover from front porch to kitchen to hallway to bedroom. It was agreed, for instance, that there was something very, very sexy about an open floor plan, about glass.

This struck me as very Libran: A whole environment designed not to bonk a potential bedmate over the head with garish flirtations but, instead, to evoke an atmosphere that slowly draws the lover into your embrace. Venus in Libra might be a little headier than, for example, sensual Venus in Taurus — perhaps engaging in a lively debate that stirs the passions — but it still knows how to evoke an atmosphere. After all, at its best, Libra, ruled by Venus, wants you to agree to follow her lead through the house. Where’s the fun, the challenge, in dragging you?

I drove home slowly, thoughts of a seductive house twirling about in my brain. I parked the car in the driveway, grabbed the mail from the box and slowly opened the door.

There were model train tracks on the floor, a pile of clean diapers on the easy chair and breakfast dishes still strewn on the kitchen table. The lair of a temptress this was not.

I sighed and forgot about the story. I had an evening packed with power struggles with my preschooler. I went to sleep feeling unsettled and pessimistic. When and how would these power struggles ever end? Would we ever just have fun together again? Why can’t he just do what I say?

I didn’t sleep well.

When I logged onto my e-mail this morning, another unwittingly Libran message awaited me. The same message, really, just from a different perspective. It read, in part:

When parents model the “healthy selfishness” of partnership and don’t resist their children’s narcissism, the children eventually learn that it feels good to care for others.

Today, notice all the ways in which *giving* makes you feel good, and how others feel good when you allow them to give to you. Let the line between giving and receiving dissolve. That’s the magic of partnership! (Source)

Hmmmm, indeed.Perhaps I don’t need to seduce my husband as much as I need to charm my child.

Because between the lines of the Libra impulse to compromise, agree and charm is really a question of power. As one of yesterday’s radio panelists put it, a bachelor pad is a place designed to get someone to give up a certain amount of power, to bend that person to your will, to make them want to go to bed with you.

To make them want. There is power there, no matter how much sugar you pour on it.

We often tell our child that hitting us isn’t a good way to get what he wants. Ditto whining, yelling and stomping. So why would I think anger would work well going the other direction? Last night, and many nights before, I tried to force this child to bend to my will and go to sleep before he’s ready. But Louise Huber’s seed thought for Libra goes like this:

I choose the way which leads between two great lines of force. (Source)

What way leads between the two forces, instead of toppling everyone over to one or the other? How can we move beyond either-or into a space where all boats rise, where a third alternative is viable and good? How can we acknowledge the powerful forces that snarl within each of us, but not enable them to dominate? How can we reframe our goal to be not power-over but power-with?

What would happen if we asked questions like this in public life as well as in our private lives?

Photo credits: bachelor pad, messy house, candidates

Birthday Gifts for the Libra in Your Life

Kathy — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 20:20:38 +0000

We’re starting a new tradition here at Depth Astrology!

I’ve already posted suggestions for music that reflects the energy of each zodiac sign (check out the post Music Through the Zodiac or our Depth Astrology Shop on Amazon) and now I’m going to add even more gift ideas each time the Sun moves into a new sign.

It’s not so much that I love stuff (oh, but I do!) as that I believe passionately that, if you’re going to give a gift, it better mean something to the recipient. I’m not such a big fan of obligatory giving. I want a gift to connect with the person, to reflect the best in him or her. But sometimes it’s hard to know where to start, especially with someone — like Libra — whose Sun sign suggests an innate love of the beautiful.

So since we’re now embraced in the arms of Libra, let’s talk about possible birthday presents for the Libra in your life.

Symbolized by the scales, Libra energy is primarily in pursuit of balance: Balance between people, balance of energy in the environment, balance of ideas or balance in terms of proportion and beauty. When things are out of balance, Libra’s scales get all wonky. We don’t want that to happen, especially during Libra’s birthday month.

So we want gifts that help keep Libra in balance: ones that cultivate beauty, sensuality and relationship; that help balance body and mind; that manifest elegance and proportion; that symbolize justice and fairness — that is, balance between people and ideas.

Check out the Libra department of our Depth Astrology Shop to find the perfect gift or just to get your juices flowing. The shop includes:

Gift items that celebrate balance, beauty and harmony — including housewares, jewelry, accessories and personal items.
Books on art, beauty and romance.
DVDs of romantic comedies.
Music featuring the harmony, balance and back-and-forth of well-paired duos.
Even sports equipment for practicing and perfecting physical balance.

And while I’m at it, I also have to give a shout-out to my favorite new site, Etsy, for its enormous collection of beautiful handcrafted items. While there, be sure to check out:

rustedhammer: Wooden toys, dad-made, for the baby Libra in your life.
chickenjulie: Comfy, cozy, cute blankies and clothes for infants and toddlers.
gruvkitty: One-of-a-kind handmade jewelry, much of it from repurposed pieces.
babywalls: Colorful paintings for kids and grown-ups alike. This one’s my favorite.

And don’t forget to ask the Libras in your life what’s on their birthday list — Libras love to be asked!

A final hint: Look at Libra’s physical appearance and home or office environment to clue yourself in on what he or she finds beautiful. It might be different than your sense of what’s pretty!

Have something to add to our gift list? Leave your suggestions in the Comments box below.

Three in the Bed: Venus, Mars and…

Kathy — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 23:47:36 +0000

On Monday, the Sun enters Libra, whose ruling planet, Venus, was brought to wide public awareness as a psychological principle in 1993 by John Gray’s book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Like Gray, astrology often pairs Venus with Mars — ruler of Libra’s opposite sign, Aries. Both symbolize the instinctive ways we seduce, pair up with, oppose and work productively with other people. But they do it in completely different ways.

Venus tends to draw the other in with magnetism and charm, creating an atmosphere that will naturally unfold in the desired way. Opposition is met with negotiation and compromise.

Mars, on the other hand, is more direct. It identifies the goal and sets about achieving it. Obstacles get removed, not negotiated.

I hope you noticed that I didn’t use gender pronouns in the preceding two paragraphs. Yes, women and men have been socialized in the obvious directions, but I think it’s unfortunate that Gray chose to pigeonhole each gender into one archetype alone. The truth is, we all have both types of energy at our disposal (never mind the fact that not every relationship is made up of one man and one woman). Understanding and owning both energies, and being able to choose which to employ from moment to moment, would be enormously helpful, and even empowering, no matter who you’re in bed with.

Okay. I know this post seems about 15 years too late, but I wasn’t yet blogging in 1993, and besides, I want to talk about the third one in the bed. Because when Venus and Mars get jealous, defensive and angry — as they’re likely to in the coming weeks, being in each other’s signs and all –that’s when shadow material comes out in unconscious and destructive ways. If these planets are hitting any sensitive points in your own chart, you could be in for some serious conflict learning moments.

In psychology and astrology, we like to say, “You marry your shadow.” But Venus wasn’t married to Mars in ancient myth. She was married to Vulcan. And he’s been in the bed ever since.

Venus was born of the churning sea foam but chose to be a goddess of the sky instead of the water — a horizontal energy reflected in her rulership of Libra and the 7th house. Vulcan, on the other hand, was born on Mount Olympus to Juno, who found him so ugly and deformed that she threw him off a cliff into the sea: a deep and vertical energy if there ever was one. One came out of the sea at birth; the other went in.

So already, the couple’s birth stories have them going in different directions: Opposites attracting, or at least being compelled into couplehood. Venus went on to play out much of her divine drama with earthly humans — a beautiful, social, sought-after goddess — whereas Vulcan made his life solitary and underground, shunning the other gods, harboring anger about being rejected.

But, because they were human(ish), both of them longed for love.

Venus was empowered from the start: Did she want water or sky? Feeling worthy of respect and deserving of choice, she found that love came easily. Men and gods flocked to her feet. But when they didn’t, her jealousy arose quickly: Perhaps she relied too much on beauty and charm. Perhaps there was a bit of uncertainty below the surface. Did she really deserve love? Or was it just her beauty they were after?

For Vulcan, there was no such uncertainty. He knew he was unworthy, and grew resentful and angry toward everyone as a result (with a special hatred for the goddess who had birthed him, then rejected him). Vulcan holed up in a cave, silent and removed, working his forge but having little contact with gods or humans. Even his marriage to the goddess of love and beauty, Venus herself, was not enough to convince him: It was arranged by Jupiter, after all, and his new wife continued unabated her habit of coupling with a wide variety of men and gods. One of those gods was Mars.

Strong, athletic, handsome and confident, Mars was everything Vulcan was not. Once, fed up with the affair, Vulcan caught Venus and Mars in bed together and trapped them with a golden net he had made in his forge. He called the other gods to come and laugh at them:

“Father Jove,” he cried, “and all you other blessed gods … come here and see the ridiculous and disgraceful sight that I will show you. Jove’s daughter Venus is always dishonouring me because I am lame. She is in love with Mars, who is handsome and clean built, whereas I am a cripple … Come and see the pair together asleep on my bed. It makes me furious to look at them. They are very fond of one another, but I do not think they will lie there longer than they can help, nor do I think that they will sleep much; there, however, they shall stay till her father has repaid me the sum I gave him for his baggage of a daughter, who is fair but not honest.” (Source)

The gods did come and laugh, and Mars eventually compensated Vulcan for the transgression (please, don’t get me started on that).

Though Mars is often cast as Venus’s opposite, in a way they were very alike in their self-possession, sensuality and extraversion. And though I believe that Venus and Vulcan are quite opposite in some respects, both seem to draw their sense of self-worth from their association with beauty. Venus is lucky in this regard while Vulcan is not.

In a way, Venus and Vulcan are the original Beauty and the Beast, the archetype of projection itself. Venus can’t own or abide ugliness in herself or the world, yet she is compelled to marry it. She has to contend with its existence in the world. Even the goddess of beauty cannot live on beauty alone.

For his part, Vulcan can’t stand the beautiful, because he doesn’t see it reflected in the mirror, but he persists in making it, capturing it and controlling it. If he cannot be it, he will have it. But because he cannot own his own beauty, his encounter with it in the world only deepens his self-hatred.

Each one resents and despises the other for the things they cannot own in themselves.

Owning your own beauty and your own ugliness is essential to the balance for which Libra is renowned. Reclaiming your projections — your sense that beauty is out there, not within — from beauty magazines, from people you envy, from your own sense of inadequacy — is the hard work of Libra.

Owning your own ugliness is no small feat, either. When relationship conflicts occur, we tend to claim beauty for ourselves and shove ugly off onto the other. Our defensiveness or resistance to compromise won’t allow us to admit our wrongdoing. We stay trapped in Vulcan’s net until some debt is paid off.

What’s the debt? Admitting you were wrong sometimes. Acknowledging your jealousy, or your impatience, or that you really hate being reminded to fold the laundry when you were planning on doing it anyway. Honesty: Yes, sometimes honesty in the manner of Mars can be ugly. But it tends to feel a lot better than the brewing resentment of Vulcan.

If we can stand in our own ugliness and our own beauty, if we can acknowledge that we all carry both beauty and beast within ourselves, then maybe we can forge a new way of relating. We can admit to being dismayed not only with the other but with ourselves as well. And when it’s time to make up, we can let go of guilt and take enormous pleasure in the beauty of both the other and the self.

And that’s what ultimately disarms the most genuine of suitors.

Thanks to my 2007 self, who originally explored these themes here, and to Kathleen Burt for her exploration of Vulcan in her book Archetypes of the Zodiac.